Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
