pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
