so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize