he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
