He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
