I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
