i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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