You're my little dorito
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
