They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
