some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
