I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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