who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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