Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
