so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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