Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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