dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
false alarm, still single
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
