Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
