Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
