So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
