***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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