Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
And then he peed in my hair
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
