He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
