I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Alive.
So much puke
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Randomize
