can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
