Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
