Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
