just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
