the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
