if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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