It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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