so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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