I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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