ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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