6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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