He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
