He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
