mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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