Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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