DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize