dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just made out with a guy for $7.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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