dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I have peed in a lot of sinks
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
