I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
