I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
