O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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