i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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