apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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