Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize