the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
