Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
The air was thick with penises
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize