i barfeds in our rink
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
