just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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