But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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