Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
