just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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