Dude my mom stole all your condoms
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
