Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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