p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
