The maid of honor just puked.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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