***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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