I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize