Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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