Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
