I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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