Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
