i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
