the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
