I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
