You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
