Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
