Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Randomize
