how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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