so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
