Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
