You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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