Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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