in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
