Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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