Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize