Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
