she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
