You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
