If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
