He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
