Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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