maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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