wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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