I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
The Olympian is in my bed
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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